I have this feeling. There's a void of blank, open nothingness encroaching upon my life, and it is this city. I traverse its streets, breathing in the smells I thought I missed: pine, fresh air, spices and fat from the friers of the all night food carts. I marvel at the mazes of side-streets and little neighborhoods, old houses attacked by vines and overzealous flowers. Trees push the sidewalks up from under, grasping at air and freedom.

But it is as though my senses perceive these phenomena through a fisheye lens; everything is distorted and yet somehow compressed. This void, of nothing and everything, that will swallow me up slowly.

After the initial three weeks of seeing, dining with and talking to all of the friends I hadn't seen in a year, my life is returning to normal, I am not planning as much with people, and I'm basically spending my time working, vegging out, or thinking about next year. When I think about it, I feel that I am leading a completely unproductive existence--on the other hand, work provides the illusion of actually having accomplished something, and I'm beginning to realize how great it feels just to be home. Every night that I don't go out and overexert myself trying to be social, I feel this amazing sense of satisfaction. I can sit at home. At home. Not in a foreign country.

And that is why I have decided that in two years, I will go back to Europe again. Because this slipping into the predictable and safe, it scares me. It is not how one grows. It is not how one makes a mark upon the world. I can at least attempt, however insignificant I may be in the grand scheme of things, to do something that can bring about change in my time. I can try. I can try to make things count. But I will not get anywhere by sitting at home, thinking about things I could cook and contemplating where to buy the best quality sheets at the cheapest prices. Why am I not filling my time with important, culturally enriching activities? I need to get going again. I need to stop gravitating toward comfort zones, because that's how I get lazy. Two years, that's my goal. To years to get back to Europe and, hopefully, study there for at least another year.

All I need to do is earn scholarships, grants and a few thousand bucks before then. Good luck to me.

In other news, did I mention how lovely zucchini is? No? Well. It's great. Especially sauteed in olive oil and white wine with salt, fresh oregano, marjoram and chili flakes, which is how I cooked it a few nights ago. Seriously, eat this. Plain, or over long pasta with a dusting of parmesan. You won't regret it.

Das Brötchen

Früh Samstag morgen, stehen wir auf und kennen—

Sicher wie die Sonne, die durch das Fenster scheint—

Dass, nach einer bequemen Tasse Kaffee,

Nachdem die Schuhe geschnürt sind,

Wir durch das kühle Morgenlicht

Zur Nachbarschaftsbäckerei laufen

Um Brötchen zu holen.

Wir werden uns heimbegeben,

Um den Tisch zu decken.

Wir legen die hölzernen Brettchen, Messer und Löffel

Und, mit vorfreudiger Miene, die Lebensmittel aus.

Langsam ist der Tisch mit Butter, Quark, Marmelade und Fleisch bestückt

Und, wenn wir den Käse und die Tomatenscheiben ausgelegt haben,

Ist da fast kein Platz mehr für die Kaffeetassen.

Auf dem Herd, kochen langsam die Eier, und die Milch wird im Topf erwärmt

Als die Kaffeemaschine ihre quälend langes Aufbrühen beendet.

Wandern wir langsam auf den Tisch zu,

Und dort werden wir das erste, cremige Schlückchen Milchkaffee,

Das Knuspergefühl eines Messers das Brötchen zu treffen

Den Krümelregen

Und, inmitten des Klirrens von Besteck und Morgenstimmen,

Die erste, wunderbaren Brötchenstücke genießen.

Wir sind zufrieden.

Mmm, broccoli.

I made kick-ass, Asian-inspired broccoli the other night. Meaning that it wasn't exactly Asian, but all of the ingredients were.

Basically, I mixed up a sauce containing soy sauce, rice vinegar, lots of garlic, ginger (I didn't have fresh, so I had to use pickled, which came out surprisingly ok in the end), oyster sauce, black bean and garlic paste, that Thai chili sauce that's orange, and a little, tiny bit of brown sugar (oh, the shame). Seriously delicious when fried up in the wok. Seriously. Accompanied by coconut rice (half of the water used to cook it is substituted with coconut milk), it was perfect.

Then last night, I ate spicy broccoli and tofu with an oyster/plum sauce. Also damn good. I want to eat like this every night--wait, I do.

And life, it goes on

Getting adjusted back to the homeland hasn't been as hard as I'd anticipated. I thought I would be a lot more homesick for Germany, but I'm doing pretty well in that regard. I miss the wonderful people I met during my year of European living, but life is progressing at such a rapid pace here that I haven't had time to really process the whole experience, or contemplate longingly all that I now miss. I've been working, sleeping, working, seeing friends, working, and trying to figure out what to do with myself in terms of getting ready to uproot my life yet again. My upcoming move to MN is getting nearer with each passing day, but I haven't yet given it the serious thought it deserves, either.

In other news, I'm preparing myself for some (hopefully) good shows, and eating a lot of curry. New music is finally making its way into my life, and I have to say there's some pretty good stuff coming out right now, especially out of my area. Such a relief to finally listen to something fresh, after a year of listening only to what I'd accumulated on my iPod. I love summer listening.

Another lovely addition of 'What I Did At Work'

-Made base for chocolate ice cream

-Broke a bottle of rosewater and cleaned it up, while an interested touring group looked on through the kitchen window

-Made caramel sauce

-Made ice cream sandwiches

-Packaged ice cream sandwiches

-Measured hazelnuts into one pound bags

My coworkers played 'Pet Sounds' because they know I don't like the Beach Boys. But S made me a killer latte with really pretty art on top, so I can deal.

Now I am ready for dinner and sleep. My days off are coming up! But I actually love my job.

Work

What I did at work today:

-Made two batches of chocolate sorbet mix

-Made lattes

-Made vegan hot fudge (coconut milk instead of cream, it's really good)

-Dipped ice cream cones in chocolate

-Chopped up cookies

-Lifted heavy things

-Washed all of the floor mats

This may not seem like it could take eight hours, but it did.

What was played at work today:

-The Beatles

-Simon and Garfunkle

-Sexton Blake

-Portishead? (Don't know for sure)

-Other stuff that I can't remember, ambient beat techno type stuff, etc.

I love my coworkers, really. They are all so funny, and good conversationalists. We get along well. Feels good to be back.