Friday, December 26, 2008

Boring Christmas Post!

Christmas dinner was very low-key this year.
The menu:
Steaks seared in butter and olive oil with mushroom-shallot-red wine garnish
Mashed potato/yam combination (with more butter, of course!)
Brussels sprouts with mustard vinaigrette
Christmas cookies and coffee for dessert

All in all, a satisfying dinner, and a good day. By the end, despite the coffee, I fell into bed and slept like a log. I baked all day, so it's not surprising. Today, it's back to work--the snow is finally melting and the temperature's up, so I feel a little better about leaving the warmth of my home for the harsh outside world.

No new developments as far as Germany goes. I'm working on a photo collage for the second application, and all is going well. Hopefully, I'll have more interesting news to write about in a month or two.

Monday, December 22, 2008

I'm trying to be zen.

Yes. I am calm. I am a rock in a Kyoto rock garden, tended by calm, bald monks in traditional koromos and tabi. They carry rakes, and they move elaborately, gracefully, as they create rippled patterns in the small pebbles surrounding me. There is moss growing on the walls, nine hundred years old, that surround me. These walls have seen many monks, many worshipful pilgrims, many curious tourists. Built from hard-packed earth, they are constant and watchful, the truest guardians I could hope for. A soft snow falls, blanketing me. The monks fix a vegetable and tofu oden for their supper. They are cold, but they are happy in their faith and tranquility. And I am a rock in their garden, one more piece in a calm, quiet life.

I'm trying. But I'm not zen. Not at all. I am upset. And disgusted. I hate it when life springs nasty surprises on me. That's all I can say, for now.

But I have Germany. I'm working hard on phase two of the application, because I'm determined to go. Especially now. I'm holed up in my house, at the mercy of nature (which has brought a deluge of snow to my city), and am going a bit stir-crazy. Still haven't done any Christmas shopping, which could be a problem, as Christmas is only three days away. Somehow, amid the financial crisis and craziness of this year, the holiday has been forgotten.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

More Forms...

Some new forms came for the scholarship today. Extremely excited and my love of checking boxes and filling out reams of tedious information stimulated, I immediately set about filling out what I could. I, of course, need numerous odds and ends, but the deadline's March 1st, and I'm relatively sure I can be finished by then.

I also have been informed that I must now submit to an interview to assess my character/eligibility. Time to crack the ol' guidebooks and start the mock-interviews. Fun?

I'm actually pretty excited.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Chocolate Chip Saga--Pt. I

I cannot remember a time when I didn't love chocolate chip cookies. Semi-sweet chocolate chips melting into brown-sugary vanilla chewiness...these simple and versatile cookies are perhaps my favorite dessert of all time. They are one of my closely held comforts in life, evoking memories I tend to forget, and making the world seem calmer, lighter, more satisfying with each bite. Starting a few years ago, I began to bake several batches of chocolate chip cookies a year--whenever I was in need of a calming, satisfying activity, I'd start mixing up a batch, perhaps taking a walk to the store to obtain the necessary chocolate morsels. It was in the first few months of my cookie baking resurgence that I noticed something--all of my cookies were coming out too thin. I remembered fondly the cookies of my childhood, baked by my mother on cold days. They were perfect, always seeming to come out buttery but a little more cakey than chewy; this consistency has managed to stick in my mind, urging me on. But those first cookies I made, after having gone years without making so much as one, were not as I remembered. They were far too chewy and greasy. I decided to do some research, and that is what kicked off what I now refer to as 'The Chocolate Chip Saga'--my quest for the elusive cookie of my childhood.

After much research (thanks, Harold McGee, and others, for taking the time to put cookie info into your books), I managed to get the information I needed to improve upon my recipe. My mom had always used the one provided on the back of the chocolate chip package, but the two sticks of butter it recommended were causing the cookies to spread out too much during the baking process. A large amount of fat in proportion to the amount of flour results in a cookie that spreads more, becoming thinner and more chewy. In addition, the amount of white sugar (3/4 cups) was the same in this recipe as the amount of brown sugar. White sugar crystallizes when baked, resulting in a thin, crispy texture that I didn't want. I researched the various repercussions of more versus fewer eggs, but in the end decided that my first task on the quest for a better cookie would be to tweak the flour:butter:sugar ratio.

With this in mind, I set out to find a new recipe that contained less butter. A jaunt through the books in my kitchen soon yielded results: The Joy of Cooking, that lovely book used by generations of home cooks, contained a recipe that only called for a stick of butter, and much less sugar. Unfortunately, it didn't use nearly enough flour to bulk up the cookies--once again, they spread out in the oven, becoming chewy and just a tad too greasy. They were also strangely salty (though I, being a fan of the chocolate chip fleur de sel cookies at a certain local bakery, rather liked this unexpected detail). The Joy of Cooking had not exactly failed me, but I wanted more out of my cookies. I baked my way through those in The Best Recipe (for all their trial and error, the cookies were not that good and were too crispy) and in the Doubleday Cookbook (my mom's alternative to the chocolate chip package--didn't turn out the way I remembered them at all). I tried combining different portions from all of the above, but could not get the consistency I was looking for in a cookie.

I was beginning to give up hope. Then, one day, my friend Paige gave me a chocolate chip cookie from a batch she'd baked the night before. My god! It was nearly perfect. That cookie was a beacon of hope for me. I realized that I was not crazy, that my memories of cookies past were not mere figments of my imagination. Suddenly, I was inspired to continue my research. Did I, like any sensible person, politely ask Paige what recipe she had used? No. The thought didn't cross my mind until much later. Needless to say, that perfect cookie was the catalyst that enabled my later discoveries. Not long after the day of Paige's cookie, I was informed of the death of an amazing woman and long-time family friend. She was funny, interesting, intelligent, and renowned for making some of the best chocolate chip cookies around. They were a staple in her household--she always had a fresh-baked batch on hand. These cookies were very cakey, and while delicious, were slightly different than those I remember my mother baking for me. Nevertheless, I was overjoyed when I received an e-mail containing the legendary recipe. I made a batch as soon as I could. VoilĂ ! These cookies were cakey--not greasy at all. This was a result of the butter to flour ratio: one stick of butter to three cups of flour. Additionally, this recipe calls for the addition of liquid (milk or juice--I opted for milk) and uses more brown sugar than white. I, however, being my finicky self, was not satisfied, despite the newfound texture. Much of the delicious buttery/brown sugar flavor was lost because of the excessive amounts of flour. I wanted a cookie that was less dense and dry; a perfect balance between cakey and buttery. 

The next time I made the recipe, I decreased the amount of flour to two and a half cups. This did not produce much of a difference in the cookies. I was disappointed. But in the last week, being snowed in, I finally got the chance to work on the recipe once more. I cut down the flour once again, this time to two and a quarter cups. I increased the amount of vanilla (from a half teaspoon to almost a full teaspoon), hoping to bolster the flavor of the cookie a little, as the large amount of flour tends to leave it a little flat. This time, I also left the dough in the fridge overnight, as I've been reading that it greatly improves texture. The next day, when I baked the cookies up, they came out looking beautiful. They were really nicely browned this time, and did not spread out too much. Best of all, they did not puff up quite as much this time, which I assume is the result of my second decrease in flour.

It was time for the taste test. My assessment: improved, but there's room for even more improvement yet. The cookies this time were slightly less dense, but they still lack an overall roundness of flavor. Next time, I'm thinking of increasing the vanilla and salt, as well as continuing to decrease the flour by small increments. Hopefully, I'll be able to arrive at a happy medium between dense and thin, without having to completely start from scratch. Who knows--it may come to that. For now, all that's certain in that my quest continues. And I will not give up. Stay tuned for Part II of the Chocolate Chip Saga. There probably won't be much of a wait.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Day One.

I express mailed my application for a scholarship to Germany today. I guess it's official now. I really am voluntarily opting to leave my comfortable city for a foreign country.

Lovely.

I'm nervous, and I find myself unable to say more at the moment. Just decided I'd post a boring little update, as I'm trying to hope for the best and (for once in my life) don't want to "over-think" things just yet. In other news, the snow has turned to hard, unforgiving ice, and the city isn't out of its coma yet. Film has yet to be developed. Oh, the woes of winter.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

The First Snow

It is snowing for the first time this year, and the city is blanketed in white. It is really lovely, but I can't help feeling a little jaded/annoyed, as I had planned to spend the day in the public darkroom/photo lab on my side of town. Unfortunately, this photo lab is still quite far from my house, and public transportation (ugh, the bus) is looking like the only option at the moment--no chains for the car's tires. Well, the upside is that I may yet get a walk in the snow with friends out of this, or perhaps use the day to do some baking...or both! For now, I should probably just enjoy the beauty outside my window.